❤ in this labyrinthine life

the last one.

2011-01-03T21:43:00.002+08:00

Hello lovelies.

I've decided that since it's a new chapter in my life,

I should have a ceremonious change of URL.

a.k.a.

new chapter in life = new blog

that's right.

I've been using this blog for the past three years. And in that time, I've gone through three relationships, friendships gained and lost, epiphanies, a load of drama, and a whole lot of growing up.
but now, its time to put that all firmly behind me, and face the future.

and thus,

the new blog

♥

Day Ten.

2010-12-28T01:57:00.000+08:00

I don't mind being used by the people I love when it comes to matters of the heart. It sounds so stupid, but it's true.

Day Nine.

2010-12-24T22:47:00.001+08:00

1. :D
2. :/

Day Eight

2010-12-22T23:50:00.011+08:00

1. musicians are hot.
2. deep voices.
3. chivalry.

Day Seven

2010-12-21T23:48:00.014+08:00

1. rudeness.
2. making me wait while you play mahjong.
3. girlfriends.
4. immaturity.

Day Six.

2010-12-20T03:46:00.001+08:00

1. The Mom.
2, The Dad.
3. The Sisters.
4. The important Cousin.
5. The Panda.

Day Five.

2010-12-19T01:14:00.000+08:00

1. Date a hypocrite.
2. Trusted an asshole.
3. Ignored the signs.
4. Compromised my own happiness.
5. Gave my everything to someone who didn't deserve it.
6. Lost money. HAHA.

Day Four.

2010-12-05T01:08:00.000+08:00

1. I think about the people I love constantly.
2. "Shitlah. I wanna go shopping."
3. "Hmmm. Feel like dolling up."
4. "How to earn more money??"
5. Random ideas for random things. Makeup, videos, blogposts, etc. (I usually forget them after an hour though.)
6. "Omg. The guy damn cute lah."
7. "Waaaah, I look pretty today! :D"

xD to the last one. lol.

Day Three.

2010-12-02T00:53:00.013+08:00

1. Be chivalrous. I love an old fashioned gentleman.
2. Be sweet. A little sugar goes a long way.
3. Do the little things right. They matter.
4. Treat me right always. No matter the stage of the relationship.
5. Talk to me. I can't have any kind of relationship if there's no connection.
6. Build my trust. Any relationship without trust, is no relationship at all.
7. Be mature, and naive. I love the kid inside the man, but I don't have the tolerance for immaturity.
8. Be yourself. I want the real guy that you are, not the prince charming you're pretending to be.

Day Two.

2010-11-30T21:15:00.001+08:00

1. My favourite colour in the world is the light blue-green of where shallower waters meets the deep sea.
2. I'm driven by emotion, mostly.
3. I'm trying to my best to guard my heart from people who don't deserve it.
4. The people I love are everything to me.
5, I'm a million contradictions.
6. I received my first teddy bear when I was nine, for Christmas, from my mom. I named her Snowbelle. She still sleeps in my bed.
7. I believe in a higher order of things. A bigger design that plots every aspect of our lives.
8. I'm easily infatuated, and its easy for me to come to love a person, but I don't fall in love very easily.
9. I don't feel comfortable being single. But I feel like I need to be.

Day One.

2010-11-15T03:18:00.002+08:00

yeah, I'm finally getting to the tag :P

1. Of all the people, I miss you the most. And I wish I could know you were in the place you deserve to be. And I'm so scared that I won't have you waiting for me when my time's up. I want so badly for you to come screaming at me for quitting ballet. I want you to tell me, "Come here, and let Mummy sayang you." I miss you so so much. I'm sorry I never told you this, but thank you for being so strong. You make me wanna be better, and live my life better. I hope you're watching from heaven, and that someday, I can make you proud of me. I love you. ♥

2. I never told you, but you shaped my life. The most influential man of my life, aside from my dad. You've always known I looked up to you as a kid, but I don't think you know how much I still absolutely adore you. You're so important to me, and I'll always hope that someday, I'll be important to you too. ♥

3.. and 4. Darlings (and from the moment I said that you know I'm talking to you), I have so much to say to you two. But I'll save it for my love letters ;) I'll just say that I love you guys, and we better not drift apart next year. ♥

5. Most of the time, I love you and think you're the silliest sweet girl ever. But at the moment, I can't tahan you and the way you act. Drop the bitchiness, then talk to me. Because if you're rude to me, or to my friend in front of me, don't be surprised if I give you one tight slap. ♥

6. I know I love someone when I ask myself whether I'm willing to sacrifice my own happiness for theirs. Because I believe that's what people are willing to do when they love somebody. I love you, and I hope we last, but I won't compromise myself for you again. You mean alot to me. So please, don't disappoint me. ♥

7. You disgust me. I respected you so much, but you threw that all away because you were rejected. All your self-respect, All your dignity. A lifetime of discipline. Thrown away like trash because a girl didn't pick you. And when you threw that away, you also threw away every ounce of respect I had for you. There was so much to admire about you. You were chivalrous, and respected your family and your beliefs, and sweet, and kind. But now that's all just wasted. You're now ridiculously stupid, incredibly insensitive, and I hope your parents never find out about what you do behind their back.Because they would be so disappointed. I certainly was. You suck. ♥

8. We were bestfriends as kids, and eventhough sometimes I got really annoyed with you, I'd look at pictures of us and think, "I hope we'll be friends for the rest of our lives." And I really regret that loss, because you were my first girlbestfriend. And for the longest time, I had a great deal of respect for you. But people change. We obviously have. So today, I don't know if you don't like me, or are just plain bitchy, but you're a complete stranger. I won't miss you. But that little girl I used to play barbiedolls with, who was my bestfriend for two years, who's present in so many of my sweet, childhood memories, I'll miss that girl for a long time to come. And I hope she has a great life ahead of her. ♥

9. To my first bestfriend ever, we've grown up without each other, but I've thought about you, and the times we've had together, alot, and I think you have too. I've missed you so much, and I was so happy to see your message on facebook. I can't wait to reconnect with you. We may never be as close as we used to be, but we'll always have that bond we built when we spent the first years of our lives together. And I'm so thankful for that. ♥

10. I hope you're growing, and learning, just as I am. One day, we'll be ready for each other, and that time comes, the love we'll have will be nothing short of epic. ♥

forevermore.

2010-11-11T22:05:00.001+08:00

my mind cannot grasp the fact that high school is over forever.
just saying it feels so weird.

it's amazing to think, we're heading towards the 20s, and yet, I feel like that same 16 year old who never had to think about growing up. Still, here I am, wondering where I'll be in two years, when it used to be so easy, it's become so hard.

I don't feel sad, because I feel like we'll go back to school next year, and see the faces of all the friends we've made, and lost, and taken for granted.

I hate goodbyes, so I hope this isn't one.

what a bittersweet beginning. ♥

sweeeeeet 17.

2010-11-06T23:50:00.001+08:00

Its official. I'm seventeen.

One year older? Totally.

One year wiser? Absofuckinglutely :)

Well, the past year has been pretty rough. But hopefully, today will mark the start of an upwards climb to something better. It definitely started off amazing.

speaking of amazing,

I ♥ MY FRIENDS.

these amazing people took the effort to put together a little surprise dinner for me even though we're all facing exams.

i lovelovelove these people.. eventhough you can't see their faces ♥

the best bestfriends ever ♥

&happy birthday brenny :) ♥

sujin, sounghui, alex, you guys are awesome too,

I just haven't gotten the pictures I took with you :P

gah. I love you people to pieces.

what a lovely way to spend my 17th birthday :)

sacred.

2010-10-24T06:22:00.003+08:00

It's 6 now, and I still can't sleep so I'mma do a tag I came across while blog jumping. Its supposed to be done over the span of 10 days, I think, but I'll do it over the span of 10 posts. And hopefully, by the time I finish it, I would've been done with my exams.

so it goes like this.

Day 1: Ten things you want to say to ten different people now.
Day 2: Nine things about yourself.
Day 3: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day 4: Seven things that cross your mind alot.
Day 5: Six things you wished you'd never done.
Day 6: Five people who mean alot, in no order whatsoever.
Day 7: Four turn offs.
Day 8: Three turn ons.
Day 9: Two smileys that describes your life right now.
Day 10: One confession.

So. :) I'll start some other time. I'm finally getting sleepy.

goodnight world.

for longer than forever.

2010-10-24T06:13:00.000+08:00

It's 5 in the morning, and I can't sleep, so instead of studying, I have been spending my time online. So I thought I'd blog a little on graduation.

That's right, we're graduated. Class of 2010 are now graduates, and we're officially done with high school. But we have exams. So its not goodbye yet.

It wasn't as emotional as I thought it would be, but I felt that hot sensation you get when you're about to start crying when I was shaking the teacher's hands. Hugged the few teachers that were mine, sad to say not all of them were there, But I hugged, Pomy, and Menon, and Pn. Kamala. Was too scared to hug Chong, but she smiled that sad, "have a nice life" smile and patted my hand.

Shook both my bio teacher's hands. The thought that ran through my mind when I shook Ms Shieh's hand as I said thank you was "..eventhough I'm fucked for your subject." And my thought while saying thankyou to Phuah was "eventhough you screwed us all over for bio." haha! So horrible, but so true. I'm so screwed for bio you don't even know.

Took pics with everyone I could, but I didn't get to take pics with everyone. So ended up only about 80 pics. Gahh. nevermind. PROM.

So here are some shots from the night.

my only self camwhore pic of the day.

with the daddy

with the best friends ♥

our form2-3 gang.♥

GRADUATING CLASS OF 2010

the class performance.

we did good. but I screwed up. sorry peoples.

with the beloved principal.

(I was gonna write, "with chew", but then I thought about it. If he checked this blog, I'd be so screwed. xD)

with the other bestfriend, that I barely saw that night.

i just love this picture. too cute.

the only picture where you can clearly see my whole outfit.

joey and I retarded-ing, whilst jasmine and jia just stand and look pretty.

with bookhay. i'mma miss him :(

we apparently won something, mmp, i think.

jia, dillon and i were halfway taking pics when we saw the class on stage. rushed up there last min. lol.

with the bestfriend who didn't tell me about the class pic :P

joey and me, again. :D

amanda looks so pretty. too bad joey and I ruined the pic. xD

with shobana

with benjamin.

pleeeaase. don't think stupid things. ahem. JOEY.

the history gang minus alex, irad, and ming shin.

the class, well, some of it.

this is the only class pic I have.

They had one, but Jia and I are MIA. :(

stupid brendan aso didn't tell me.

with sounghui and sujin.

sorry I screwed up your show.

bren says, "EEEEEEE"

Just a few of the pics, the rest are on fb. I think I'll close this post with this picture.

yes. I finally gathered the guts, with a lot of pushing from Jia, to get a pic with him.

he'll never read this anyway, so yeah I can say,

fuck, my heart was beating like a fucking jackhammer. somebody say awkward.

the whole night whenever he so much as friggin glanced at me, my heart flew out of my mouth and right into my ass.

and it was probably as obvious as the empire state building, or in our case, KL Tower.

I know I just sounded like I'm in love with him.

but if you know me, you should know better.

Anyways, I think I'll close with this instead.

the cover to the cd with the extended version of our mmp.

go theta (:

I'm not saying goodbye just yet.

a little faith.

2010-10-22T00:46:00.000+08:00

Okay, after crying out all that emotion, I'm ready to put a little faith in men.

Why?

Because, I watched Giuliana&Bill. I know.

But he makes me believe there are good guys out there.

He's like, soooooo sweet to her okay?

So yeah. ♥

schooooolll :/

2010-09-13T23:54:00.000+08:00

well, school tomorrow, and I don't know how to feel about it.

I don't mind the waking up early and whatever, but omgg,

RESULTS.

Next Stop:

IGCSE EXAMINATIONS.

"dun dun dun!"

soo.. smiley : ) or sadface : ( ?

answer: in between :/

haha.

♥

old loves.

2010-09-07T17:23:00.001+08:00

I've spent my day yesterday watching Swan Princess movies. Yeah. All three of them.

I've only ever watched the first one so the other two were new to me, but gosh. love love love.freaking nostalgic to watch the first one considering I lost the cd. But super awwh. As a kid I loved this movie. One of the songs still pop into my head from time to time.

The second movie was shit though.

But I loved loved loved the ending of the third movie. So cute.

The prince is as stupid as stupid gets, but still, he's pretty hot for a cartoon prince, and as sweet as princes get in these stories. and this isn't like Snow White wear the chick can't do shit for herself. So the awesomeness.

I also finally got to watch Beauty and the Beast again (although it was on youtube, but hey, its better than nothing.) The original one, not the not-as-amazing-but-still-so-so sequels. :D

These are one of the movies where no matter how old you are, you will still love.

If only Disney could start making quality shows like this again. (Anyone else noticing that disney's movies&series are crap now?)

But is it just me? Or do you agree that the beast looks cuter as the beast than he does in his original princely form? :P I think the beast is so cute okay? With his.. sharp.. pointed.. teeth. xD His manner is cute lah. His "You? see? You see?? She's not listening to me now either!!!" face and his "oh shit, maybe I should've let her say goodbye to her dad" face is shhhoooooo cute. (:

anyone know any other cute cartoon movies to watch? :)

loves ♥

P.S. the fairy prince from Thumbelina? SO.DAMN.CUTE.
mygawd. I sound like such a psycho. haha!

my first ever :)

2010-08-02T20:13:00.000+08:00

WORLD STAGE!!

it was so much fun okay?

if you hear people saying it sucked, or wasn't nice, they just didn't go with good company :)

I went home after school

(BM EXAM.on a SATURDAY. can someone say fuck?)

and went home and found out I had no time to chill.

I spent forever doing my makeup before realizing I look like a doll.

I didn't even use foundation okay? I don't use foundation. I have none. It was the tinted moisturizer.

and when I realized I looked like a ghost, I tried to colour my cheeks with some blush.

result? TOTAL DOLL.

in the car, I realized my flats were one size to big, and when I got to Pyramid, I tripped like 3 times

I started mumbling to myself while I stomped from the Orange entrance to the main one and suddenly INGRID!!!!

scared me shitless. I actually jumped, xD

it was LySha and friends :)

(she scared me again at the end of the day. xD nice kan? twice in one day. hahahah.)

when Joey got there I couldn't find her. I walked in and out of the main entrance, and I don't know how many 360s I did, and guess what? she was in front of Miss Selfridge. wtf. xD

btw, it was her bro was so nice to get us tickets :) :)

then, we bought water and sweets to make sure we don't pass out.

which reminds me that we have bills to sort out and she still has my mentos. xD

first pic of the day ;)

with my best teman tanjoeyee :)

if you could see my bracelet, you can see I was wearing JAM colours. :)

blue bracelet, purple beads and pink tank inside :D

found out Esther was around so we met up with her and her friends.

We chitchatted awhile before Joey and I went to S&J to buy those little battery-powered fans(which btw was a total waste of money) and some glowsticks.

then we bought some bread to makan and met up with Esther and friends.

Jin Yang and friend, WengXian joined us a little while after that, and then we went to cut the seriously long line.

just look at that line, and it continues super super long at the back.

super squished, let me tell you.

and a lot of pushing and people stepping on your feet.

bumped into SookPei while waiting. I didn't recognize her at first and then, she went "INGRID!" I gave her the blur face before realizing who she was the exact moment she said "SOOK PEI!" lost her in the crowd though.

anyway, our water went to waste because we couldn't bring it in. we drank most of one bottle and left it outside.

masuked, got our free stuff (a poncho and a paper/plastic fan) and walked to the surf beach place and joined the growing crowd, losing Esther and gang in the process.

then, guess what?

IT STARTED TO RAIN.

not drizzle okay? BIG FAT drops of water came pouring down from the sky.

luckily, they gave us ponchos.

sea of poncho-ed people.

poncho-ed gffs.

i really ♥ this picture. :) so foggy-ish.

a very bad pic of me with the dudes. :)

poncho-ed :) I still really like the foggyness.

the dudes. :) hahaha. wengxian's trying to get out of the pic. :P

the free fans we didn't keep,

because we used it as protection from the rain too, and it got all soggy and bendy. :P

people might say its bad luck, but it was actually quite fun.

without the rain, i think we would've died of heat stroke.

it really made it memorable. :)

and besides, isn't it better than to stand a huge crowd under the hot sun?

took forever to start though.

first flyfm people came out and started throwing tshirts, then emcees came out, which I hate.

seriously? I HATED the emcees. -.- annoying kao.

but then Bunkface came on. They were pretty good actually.

Then had to waaaaaaiiiiiittt... and the the emcees came out (again) blahblahblah..

then Wonder Girls came out !!

the moment the two guys were waiting for.

super fanatic, let me tell you. xD

WONDER GIRLS #1 FANS.

They sang along (and were very off-key btw), and cheered them by name..

into Joey's ears and mine,

thankyouverymuch. :P

by this time, the rain had pretty much stopped and the weather wasn't particularly hot,

but the crowd had this pulau haba effect going on.

not to mention some smart fucker smoking our lives away,

and the fact that our fan one had wind from the behind (that sounds funny. LOL)

so, Joey and I decided to go to the back.

and we found out something we found very shocking.

sitting at the back has a super clear view of the stage AND the screen.

summore got food and drink and personal space.

unlike when we were standing in the crowd. hot. stuffy. and couldn't see crap.

so we laid our ponchos in the sand and watched from there.

The guys joined us a little while.

and JinYang went to steal some more ponchos so we wouldn't hafta squish four bums on one poncho.

and we makaned a RM10 cold ayamas burger

(that WengXian got a hot one :/ but he also got us water. how nice. :D)

and a pizza courtesy of JinYang :)

(it was only actually around this time when i learnt Weng Xian's name. xD

after hours and hours of bullshit and comments. hahaha!)

and then we waaaaaiiiiiitttttteeeeeeddddd.....

(it started to rain again around this time, so we shielded ourselves with more ponchos.)

and then emcess chatchatchat..

and then, TOKIO HOTEL!! :D

they were so awesome. so awesome. so so so awesome. :D

The wait for Katy Perry was extra extra long.

but if you look at her stage set, you can see why. :P

we passed the time stoning, laughing, teasing the guys and splashing water on WengXian. :D

finally, after like, one hour plusplus, she came on.

and I have to say I really liked her performance. it was really nice :D

and I mean like, really, really really nice. ;)

and not just because she sang a song that went something like,

"I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock, your peacock!"

and made JinYang choke on his water. :D

there were some big balloons and confusion involved in the end, but this is a long post and I'm getting lazy, but basically, we squished our way out, and I pretty much collapsed into my bed. :)

overall,

it was a damn good day and first concert. :D

thankyou Joey's brother! :D

♥

painting flowers

2010-07-28T21:04:00.000+08:00

I feel so dissatisfied with life at the moment. Life is just passing by, and nothing's really going on.

Olevels are coming closer and all I really feel is a mixture of looking forward to when its over, and wishing time would just freeze, or rewind.

I admit, I've been pretty unhappy this year. Through the dramas of January to facing choices in February, and beyond, everything just kinda sucks. Seriously, I know I have a lot to be thankful for, but from my general discontent to friendships ending to losing people I thought at one point or another, would shape my life, these past two years have been .. just plain bad.

The last time I remember being really and truly happy was .. late 2008. Man, that sucks.

And I know, to some level, I'm to blame, because I could've made different choices, and walked away when I should have and stayed when I should have. But do you think I made all those bad choices thinking they were bad choices?

Nowadays, my head keeps filling with the ways I will spend my time next year, or when exams end, and the people I will spend that time with. I'm hoping that I'll find some kind of happiness then.

fmylife.

2010-07-26T22:18:00.000+08:00

I'm going to rant.

If you don't wanna layan my whining, please leave.

I'm not writing much else today.

Let me tell you, today is just full of bad luck.

I remembered I haven't done my lit homework during lunch.

Lit's after lunch.

I came home and told my dad I kena NS.

He told me I have to go, because he is set on making me stay here another year. Can't defer.

Had to break the bad news to the BF.

I went to taipan to get my fringe cut.

I decided to go to Kimarie, because they actually speak english there, and APP was closed.

In addition to the double in cost (RM5 BECAME RM10), the dude who cut my hair (who was extremely cute and sweet, BUT) cut my fringe in a way I didn't like,

and now I look like a korean/japanese chick.

I went to the nearby optical shop to buy contacts, because mine expired like, two days ago?

I realised I forgot which side(as in left or right) of green I already have.

I called my dad and he told me he's left the house already.

I called the house, and the maid didn't know what the hell I'm talking about.

So I come home empty handed.

THEN, I tried on my new TopShop dresses and realize,

SHIT. THE PINK ONE LOOKS LIKE A BRIDESMAID DRESS.

I need to get it altered to bring the neckline down. And the hemline up. The other one's okay, but I need to bring the neckline down too. Because high necklines don't flatter me.

I have no idea who to trust with my precious dresses. T.T

And now, I realize the itch on my upper arm has swollen to the size of a slightly enlarged 50sen coin.

It still itches.

eff.my.fucking.life.

yalah. they're small and insignificant, but I'm irritated. humor me.

-.-''

hold on, and don't let go.

2010-07-21T00:29:00.000+08:00

I found this somewhere.

do I really have to say anything else?

besffriendsforeverforlife.

2010-07-15T00:01:00.002+08:00

to lai jia ean.
(because I don't know if my comment posted)
Maybe we mistook the "y" thing but still. We were just diappointed he didn't stick up for us.
And as for the other person, if I'm right about who it is, I already talked to him.
Whether he was lying or not, I don't know, but I'd rather just believe him.
And I've heard some stuff, and honestly, if you have a problem with me, just take it up with me.
Its so much simpler and all this is just too messy.

I'm done with blog wars, and anger and hatred, because its just taking up alot of time and effort,

and its just not worth it.

Time to stop.

If we can't make peace, and least, we shouldn't make war, kan?

Let's keep the battle down to comments and dirty looks?

Very tiring all this.

(however, if some people get persistent.. ;) )

A general note:

if anyone, and I mean anyone, attacks my friends in any way, please expect some serious backlash. (:

(like cbox spamming, and rumours and other scary bitch stuff)

and to my bestfriends who have been so loving and supportive,

babes, I love you guys so so much ♥

and you know I'mma be there for you no matter what.

J.A.M forever.

we will always be bestfriends enough to pull out skirts caught in underwear.

♥♥♥

P.S. I will totally post a whole post about how much I love you guys. Just not today, because I'm sleepy, and lazy and a little annoyed at the bf (:

closure.

2010-07-14T07:13:00.002+08:00

I'm glad we're a little better now.

for lai jia ean.

2010-07-13T21:15:00.006+08:00

~~I'm going to ask you very nicely, to stop attacking my friend.~~

I know you don't like each other, fine. but did you really think she wouldn't respond if you provoked her? I know its your blog, and you're free to say what you want to say. but if you say something, at the very least, please don't be surprised if she lashes back at you. I'm not saying its your fault, or her fault. I'm simply saying, if you want to lash at each other fine (although I will obviously take her side), but the internet is a totally different matter because anyone and everyone can see it.

As for what she's said about "E" on her blog, as I've said on mine, she was being a good friend to me. You think you know him really well? Well, I know him better. And yes, I admit, he's changed over the past few months, but I'm his ex, can? I know a whole lot of shit about his past you will never know.

The reason we're so angry with both E and KL is because they were our friends, as well as yours. And because of our history, we expected some kind of defence. Because that's what we do for them, at least, it was what we did for them, until they betrayed us. Dramatic as it sounds, that's what it really feels like.

~~And stop contradicting yourself by saying you don't wanna waste your time, and then write a long, long post about it. And from one human being to another, stop degrading yourself.~~

~~for E & KL~~

~~I know you know its you.~~

~~If you never treasured our friendship, or our previous relationship,~~
~~why should I put up with your crap?~~

what's your problem, seriously?
I used to respect you because your boyfriend was a good friend of mine.
I cried when he broke up with you,
and rooted for you two to get back together.
This, you can ask your so called good friend.
Because I cried to him.

I don't think I did anything to you.
So do you just like making people hate you?

Or maybe you just wanna convince yourself that you're better than everyone else.
And that's why you make yourself believe that the only way to show your love, is your way.
So you call me names for loving people.
And for being loved by these people.
That's why you think you're the only one who is allowed to feel angry, and hurt.
and you're the only one who is allowed to bitch about someone you cared about
because you're angry and hurt.
And you think its wrong for people to judge you, but perfectly fine for you to judge other people.
And of course you are, because you've lived their whole lives, and felt their every joy and pain and heartbreak.

Hypocritical much?

When I was a little girl, around 5 or 6, and an only child, so my parents gave me everything I wanted.
I thought the world revolved around me.
Until I learnt a little later, that every person is the lead role in their story.
Seems to me, my 6 year old mentality, is also your mentality.
You're 16 years old.
Grow up.

goodbye, my hopeless dream

2010-07-13T17:14:00.003+08:00

I give up.
all the disappointments are too much to bear.
I'm going to stop looking now.
I wont say I'll stop wanting to cry when I watch as my friends enjoy what i want most, because I still will.
I will forever want it, there is no denying that.
you know? I used to tell myself that it was impossible that there wasn't someone who could make my dream come true. there had to be one person, just one, who was different.
that stops now.
no more delusions

no more hoping, and no more waiting, because I am finally convinced, it will never happen for me.
Its time I protected my heart.

having all that said, i must admit, eventhough i know i am only contradicting myself, a small part of me, in the depths of my heart, still prays that if i stop looking, he'll come. stupid, I know.

goodbye forever, my impossible fantasy.

double parking.

2010-07-08T23:57:00.001+08:00

today, my poor driver aunty (I carpool) got a note under her windsheild. it said,

She asked me to read it, and I was so reluctant to tell her what it said.

but then, the little girl sitting at the back read out, "Idiot" which irritated me.

but the damage was done.

poor aunty.

but seriously, the note was so.. whathefuck.

seriously? even if they were immature enough to write a spiteful note to a stranger about double parking (as if they've never double parked in their life), the least they could've done is use a few of their already scarce brain cells.(ironic, yeah? because they told my aunty to use her brain?)

but seriously?

"leave your hp no"??

what? everytime we double park we should stick a note under our windsheild?

seriously?

the stupidity of people nowadays.

english pun chingchongchina.

(that's how bad they are. have to be criticsed in manglish to understand :D)

I realise there are so many seriouslys, but its so stupid, I'm in disbelief.

on another note,

let me give you readers a piece of advice.

birds of a feather really do flock together.

if somebody says they're "different" from their friends,

(eg. my friends are playboys, but I'm "different",

my friends cheat on their girlfriends, but I'm "different",

my friends like stabbing people in the back, but I'm "different", etc etc)

don't buy it.

it's all bullcrap.

even if they were once, "different", remember, people change.

Today, I've had the joy of having it being proven (again).

If a guy's friends are players, he's probably a player too, even if his longest relationship was 5years.

If a girl's friends like twilight, she probably loves it too, even if she used to think it was overrated.

and, if a good and decent guy has been hanging out with a bunch of bitches long enough,

he'll turn into a manbitch as well.

I no longer think you deserve more.

you never stood up for me. never.

so you didn't surprise me,

but I admit it still hurt.

because for the longest time, you were my prince charming.

I overlooked all the times you didn't pick me,

and all the times I knew you heard people saying stuff about me and didn't do shit about it,

because I loved you with everything.

I can't believe I wasted 2 years of my life on you.

Not to mention the all too special title of "first love"

for the sake of your next girlfriend,

Grow some balls.

heartbreak warfare

2010-07-06T00:12:00.000+08:00

Lightning strikes

Inside, my chest to keep me up at night

Dream of ways

To make you understand my pain

Clouds of sulfur in the air

Bombs are falling everywhere

It's heartbreak warfare

Once you want it to begin,

No one really ever wins

In heartbreak warfare

If you want more love,

why don't you say so?

If you want more love

why don't you say so?

Drop his name

Push it in and twist the knife again

Watch my face

As I pretend to feel no pain

Clouds of sulfur in the air

Bombs are falling everywhere

It's heartbreak warfare

Once you want it to begin,

No one really ever wins

In heartbreak warfare.

If you want more love,

why don't you say so?
If you want more love,
why don't you say so?

Just say so...

How come the only way to know how high you get me

is to see how far I fall

God only knows how much I'd love you if you let me

but I can't break through at all.

It's a heartbreak...

I don't care if we don't sleep at all tonight

Let's just fix this whole thing now
I swear to God we're gonna get it right

If you lay your weapon down

Red wine and ambien

You're talking shit again, it's heartbreak warfare

Good to know it's all a game

Disappointment has a name, it's heartbreak, heartbreak.

It's heartbreak warfare.

♥

yeah, i wish you wanted me back as bad as i want you back.

but you obviously don't.

I won't pretend it doesnt hurt like hell

but its time for me to face the truth.

headin for a heart heart heartbreak

2010-07-04T15:45:00.000+08:00

I realize the two songs I'm on love with right now are "Heartbreak" songs. xD

HeartHeartHeartbreak by BoysLikeGirls

♥

HeartbreakWarfare by JohnMayer

♥

i'm glad i spent time with you,

and remembered all the reasons i didn't pick you.

thank you for showing me

you're not for me.

and clearing up my heart and mind, just a little bit.

♥

cause its loveloveloveloveLOVE.

2010-07-04T15:27:00.000+08:00

I recently blew up my phone bill over the past few days downloading apps, and going online and all that. because, I had the good luck to have a very nice dad who traded his brandnew GalaxyS Samsung Android phone for my chipped, oily, jamming, turns-itself-off prada phone. (♥youpaaa :D)

♥

and so, I have been obsessively toying with it every few minutes, going online, playing games, watching youtube videos right before bed.

which leads me to my second current obsession.

charlie mcdonnell ♥

aka charlieissocoollike of youtube.

cute kan?

his videos on youtube are soooo nice and funny and he's so cute and- and-

:D :D :D

sooooooooooooooo cute :D

if you haven't watched his videos on youtube, GO WATCH!

some are abit retarded but its funny so yeah.

he's also a talented musician

(annoying kan these type of people? everything pun boleh)

he sings, plays guitar, and writes songs.

and is in a band.

yeeeah. you can wiki him too.

hahhaha.

charlie mcdonnell :D

and android. :D

♥ ♥ ♥

2010-06-28T20:42:00.000+08:00

I can't erase the past.

but I can still write the future.

not in this lifetime.

2010-06-28T18:23:00.002+08:00

seriously, the assholes of the world are unbelievable.

you would think that after being stuck at home, sick as a dying cow, all day long,

staying up,

waiting for the 3.40 mark to pass so you could talk to your boyfriend,

eventhough all you wanted to do was pass out in bed because your head was killing you,

would call for a leetle more courtesy.

giving me the busy tone because you were in the car,

even though you knew I've been waiting all day.

FINE.

fair enough.

getting upset because you didn't think you got enough in life,

although it seems to me you're getting a whole lot of shit you could live without,

that by the way, alot of people would have given their right arm for,

FINE.

of course i'd cheer you up.

~~sue me, btw, for not wanting to say much because i'm so fucking irritated, and not to mention hurt?~~

~~what? i'm not as good as a fucking phone??~~

but THEN,

you don't say crap, and i hear that constant tapping on your mfking keyboard,

and yeah, I deal with it.

after awhile, I get tired and tell you to knock it off,

and i tell you that if you don't i'm not gonna waste my money,

because you know what? i'm not paying my fucking 600buck phone bill to listen to you go taptaptap on your fucking keyboard.

and what the fuck to i get for all my shit?

"I don't think I can stop actually."

seriously?

FUCK YOU.

then get off the motherfucking phone!

you want me to spend hours of my life listening to you play dota,

then the least you can do is pay the fucking phone bills.

my name's Sexy :)

2010-06-23T22:40:00.000+08:00

♥

too bored. :P

but I'm not the only one.

2010-06-21T00:07:00.000+08:00

I think I've been online like, 3 times in the past two weeks. : /

SCHOOL TOMORROW. -.-''

But there were some good times. Went on a couple of dates with the ♥bf. And went out with the ♥darlings as well. Watched some pretty awesome movies.

Watched PrinceOfPersia with a whole bunch of theta people, plus joey, on Friday, right after exams ended. I think I already blogged about this. yeah I did. but. LOOK. Just LOOK at how hot Jake Gyllenhaal and Gemma Arterton are. :D

panasnya.

KarateKid I watched with Joey and JiaEn when we went to Pavillion two days ago, on Friday. We all liked it. Jia kept saying she wanted to watch it again. Heck, I'd watch it again for sure.

We camwhored a tiny bit, but I have none of the pics, because my cam decided to die that day. Well, not die. Go into a coma. :) Wish we had camwhored more though ): but had a great time anyways. Because, well, OF COURSE. Why wouldn't I ? xD

Watched ToyStory3 with the ♥bf the next day in OU.

It was sooooo nice !! Seriously? You know how usually, the first one is nice but the sequels kinda suck? This is SO not like that. It was so nice. I cried at the end. Because it was so sad. But I won't spoil it.

Everyone should totally watch it.

And the shortfilm? Was so nice too!

Its so nice! I'm not kidding! SO NICE.

Even Brendan who usually has something to say about everything liked it, so THAT'S A SIGN!! xD

We had a date last week too. Two actually, last week. Was fun.

Too lazy to write much though, so, I'll just post the pictures.

8th June.

outfit of the day. ♥

we're "attracted" to each other.

You know? Because his bracelet had a magnet that "attracted" mine?

geddit?? xD

couple pic of date1.

12th June.

We cooked dinner. (:

fish& chips.

he can't fry crap,

so I did the nice looking piece of fish and the fries (:

and french onion soup.

It looks weird, but it tasted good (:

couple pic for date2. (:

okay, not a lotta pics, but, whatever. good dates. (:

well, I guess that's it.

peace to the world.

♥

forever and a day.

2010-06-15T22:22:00.000+08:00

Honestly.

I'm tired of everything around me.

I just want it to end.

Everything. All of it can go to hell.

Soon, all of it will.

& I will never see any of those names or faces again.

hols = freedom = boredom.

2010-06-07T23:39:00.000+08:00

well after midterms finally ended, jia, joey, bren and I cabbed to pyramid and met up with alex and like.. 12 other people to watch Prince of Persia. I thought it was pretty nice actually, mostly because the girl was super pretty and jake gyllenhaal was so hot. didn't really get the ending though. and i could finally satisfy my craving for 1901 hotdogs. gahahaha.

oh, and the four of us also tried tuttifrutti. its so good, and its healthy and you can elp yourself to the flavours and toppings (: so cool.

jia&joey's and bren&mine (:

we all went our own way after the movie. bren left while us girls were editing our neopics (feels like forever since we took them :P) and the three of us just shopped around. kept bumping into jas and joo ann, like everywhere. hahaha. went to starbucks where joey got her drink with whipped cream, when she didn't want it.. so what did we girls do?

that's right. we dumped it into a tissue and made it look absolutely ridiculous.

the next day, I went out with SuJin to OU to go shopping. and ~~fuck~~, did I spend alot. I swear, I have no idea how I spent 400bucks. -.- The only really pricey things I bought was a forever21 skirt, some cotton on shoes and zara shorts. I think the zara shorts tipped the scales. I had only spent like, 250 when the zara shorts came along. -.-

but so pretty kan?? D: KAN????

I forgot to camwhore much both days.

OH. but I did see this super beautiful dress. from WAREHOUSE fml.

but its so pretty and I wish I could have it. :(

soooooo pretty kan?

look, it has little rhinestones on it to make it sparkle.

reminds me of the sea (: blue and sparkly. and so so pretty.

& now, I will end my post with a camwhore pic (:

with the huggeee strawberry that bren gave me ♥

xo.

tell me why.

2010-06-03T20:53:00.000+08:00

I'm supposed to be having the time of my life.

I have a wonderful boyfriend, amazing friends, and two weeks of utter freedom coming my way.

I'm supposed to have been happy for months now.

then why is it, I still find myself in my bed at night, unable to sleep, crying at everything,

and feeling more alone than ever?

you could tell me that he loves me, you could tell me you love me.

you could tell me I am impossible to forget.

you could tell me I'm a wonderful person. that I'm the funniest, giggliest person you know.

you can look at me and know that I am really laughing.

you can tell me you love me, and mean it with all your heart and soul.

but that just shows how well you don't know me.

when words meet ♥beats.

2010-06-03T19:44:00.002+08:00

its a wonder to me,

how anyone can put their whole life in the hands of one person,

and trust that they will never crush it.

how do you know?

♥

Well I go house to house and knock on every door,

I take down all the walls and tear up every floor,
Just to figure out, oh what we're fighting for
And all I can do,
Is sit and let the air speak for you

Cause when words meet heartbeats
Baby C'mon
You know it's not even fair
And I'm first round, knocked down (baby) the floor
You know I'm already there
And the sun sets high, and the moon is low
Oh, Cause when words meet heartbeats
Baby you'll know

Well there's silence now
There's nothing more to gain
And it isn't right if I can't run away...
Because it kills the moon
When there's nothing left to say
And all I can do,
Is sit and let the air speak for you...

Cause when words meet heartbeats
Baby C'mon
You know it's not even fair
And I'm first round, knocked down (baby) the floor
You know I'm already there
And the sun sets high, and the moon is low
Oh, Cause when words meet heartbeats
& I'm not too tired, I'm not too tired to know what you're doing
And I'm not too tired, I'm not too tired to sing
And I'm not too tired, I'm not too tired to know what you're doing with me

Cause when words meet heartbeats
Baby C'mon
You know it's not even fair
And I'm first round, knocked down (baby) the floor
You know I'm already there
And the sun sets high, and the moon is low
Oh,Cause when words meet heartbeats
Oh when words meet heartbeats
Oh when words meet heartbeats
Oh when words meet heartbeats..

Baby you'll know.

let me just say this.

2010-06-02T22:19:00.002+08:00

in 6 months, i will no longer be forced to see your ugly face.

and i thank heavens, because if i had to see your face any longer than that, i think i'd go blind.

rot in hell, bitch.

♥

listen up girlfriends everywhere.

2010-05-25T20:00:00.000+08:00

I was looking at MSN crap and I found

8 BIG LOVE TRUTHS EVERY GIRL MUST KNOW.

and guess what?

LOVE LAW 6:

"You're Allowed to Have One Boyfriend

and 86 Crushes"

"You meet a guy who has sailed around the world, loves Indian food, and has a butt you could chisel rock with. There's just one problem: He's not your boyfriend.

But just because you're exclusive doesn't mean you're mentally monogamous too. Women often buy into the romantic myth that if you love a guy, you shouldn't have sexual or emotional tuggings for anyone else, says Gurian. "But it's human nature to look and be curious, and it's ridiculous to think that just because you have a feeling, you're so weak that you'll act on it." So don't deem your relationship lacking if you're attracted to someone else. It just shows you have a healthy fantasy life, says Gurian. "

I dont know who Gurian is but whatever.

I just have one thing to say.

HOHOHOHOHOHO!!! ;)

♥

don't make me.

2010-05-20T19:41:00.001+08:00

And I'd give up forever to touch you,

Cause I know that you feel the same somehow.
You're the closest heaven that I'll ever be,

And I don't want to go home right now.

And all I can taste is this moment,

And all I can breathe is your life,

And sooner or later it's over,

I just don't want to miss you tonight.

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming,

Or the moment of the truth in your lies.

When everything feels like the movies,

Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.

And I don't want the world to see me,

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.

When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

nobody's loved me the way you do.

♥

i want it to be over.

2010-05-20T19:20:00.000+08:00

And when I say that, I mean MIDTERMS.

gaaaaaahh. I wannit to be over. over over over!!!

~~fuck man.~~

I wannit to be over so I can :

a) dateeee.

seriously, I've been dateless for .. 2weeks?

and it SUCKS. I sit beside the guy everyfrigginday and we can't do ~~shit~~ anything.

b) spend time with my sweethearts.

we've gone out like, once this year?

An hour a day (break + lunch = 1 stupid hour)of bonding time is .. an hour of bonding time.

c) cross-stitch.

I've been itching to do some cross-stitching lately. idk.

d) go on a MASSIVE shopping spree.

seriously, all i wanna do is buy new things.

hairstuff, clothes, shoes, accessories, furniture, makeup, bags .. I could go on.

2 more weeks. 2 more weeks. 2 more weeks.

fmylife.

2 more weeks.

is it love?

2010-05-17T22:39:00.000+08:00

HAHAHA!

I FINALLY GOT MYSELF A DECENT BLOG LAYOUT!!

yes, let me have a jakkun moment.

:') so proud.

nice right?? :D

mwahahaahhaa.

okay. weird moment right there.

SIGH. and all this when i should be studying.

I AM OKAY?

but a girl needs a little break ;)

I must say, I'm quite satisfied. And when I get bored, can change with no hassle.

.....

'cause don't hafta save the widgets!!

I love blogger. :D

lalalalalala. :)

okay. back to studying.

fml fml fml.

play on.

2010-05-13T23:17:00.000+08:00

11 THETA DRAMA

go 11T :)

although i can't act at all.

HAHAHA.

but we did good. :)

♥

sorry sorry sorry !!

2010-05-11T21:17:00.000+08:00

I just wanted to say ..

I am SO sorry if I gave any of you guys the bitch stare today.

I know I did to quite a few people. over like, the littlest things.

SORRY SORRY SORRY.

I feel so bad now. ):

I was just having the worst day ever.

I really like you guys loads loads loads.

like, seriously

♥♥♥

just shut up.

2010-05-07T22:34:00.004+08:00

GAWD. such a bad day, i swear. let me just rant sikit. get it all off.

I tell you, sometimes the people around me can be such, GAHs. (insertname(s)here) your jokes are so not funny. they're mean. you think you're so cool saying shit like that? honestly, i love you loads and all, but sometimes i just wanna tell people like you, shut the fuck up man. And some people are so fucking selfish, i swear. no one's asking you to die for anyone. its like, a small little thing. if it runs out, buy a new one lah! not like you're so bloody poor. as for (insertnamehere), do you fucking think i'm so bloody free, I can accomodate my life to your convenience? sure its not a big deal, but it would be a smaller deal if you didn't do think 300 times before. honestly, you're sixteen bloody years old, going on seventeen. and youo have the fucking mentality of a thirteen year old. seriously, i love you. but grow up. the world doesn't revolve around you.

PHHHHEWWWWW. okay, I feel better. no one read that and assume its you please. it might or might not be. but it doesn't matter. because honestly, I love everyone I just bitched about immensely. And eventhough I get super pissed at them sometimes, when it comes down to it, I'd cut off my right arm for most of them. okay, maybe not my right, because i'm right handed. my left. (:

& I'm watching Pixie Lott's Cry Me Out video over and over, and I miss ballet. -.- it kept me... slimmer. Its probably one of the only things that kept me from the biggest loser asia. but now that i've quit (yes, i know its a shame because i was so close to grade 8 already, but i honestly had no motivation to keep doing it. i hated going for classes and skipped whenever i could. better not waste money.) i am one step closer to that. Unless I somehow find the self-discipline in me to go running twice a week and work out a little bit. And eat properly. And drink water. gahh. I'm so unhealthy.

irony is, having just said that, I think I'm getting sick. -.-''

help. -.-

been suffering from a severe case of nostalgia thiese few days, month, this year. and me, being the masochist that i am, i went and looked at my old albums.

i miss the old times ):

♥

2010-05-04T23:11:00.000+08:00

YES! WE HAVE A THREESOME PICTURE (:

a bit long-i-fied. but still pretty (:

and now, I will swamp myself with homework.

(yes. halellujah. i'm doing homework. look out for flying pigs.)

♥

mwahs and blahs.

2010-05-02T22:20:00.000+08:00

(4.30, yesterday)

its been sixteen&andahalf hours since charity dinner ended, and (some) feeling is finally returning into my right, secondlast toe. (blasted 5inchs. so bloody painful..and yet so, damn, hot.)

(now. now. now)

charity dinner (:

jia, joe, jas, and a new friend joo ann, met up at my place and went to get our hair washed and blowdried. hated the guy who did my hair. fcuking pervert asshole. went back to my place and rushed to get ready. i ~~tried to help~~ ~~unsuccessfully~~ helped jas and joe with their eyeshadow, but i screwed it up. sorry ): they ended up taking it off and just putting eyeliner. hah, FAIL.

(poser),(candid),(poser), (shyshy)

my night's makeup. not bad right? (:

got there and had a great time.. until my feet started tortuing me. i couldn't keep my balance on the dance floor and bren had to keep catching me when i lost it. :P camwhored like madpeople. i swear, we didn't even eat anything past the 3rd/4th course. at least, i didn't. (:

the darlings ♥ + a very ju-onn-ish adam.

HAHAH. dammn cute this.

alex: so kiss mee~ ♪♪

amanda: omigod please leave me alone. please leave me alone.

ew.ew.ew..ew.ew.

please leave me alone. please leave me alone.

sexies. ♥

sexies + dillon.

♥

gahahha. i posted this just because i'm taller than ~~hammy~~ wengyou by like, 3 whole inches.

theta sexies + anna&chryssa

♥

and then, when it all ended, joe, bren and i came home and changed, and went to a mamak. unlike the people who went clubbing. xD

okay, its abit sad, but we had like, 3 people, and not much money.

and i don't think my dad would've been very happy if we called at 2 or 3 and asked him to pick us up from a club. so we went for the good, responsible option. :D

mamak. -.-

but i dont think we would've had the energy to club anyway because we crashed on the couch when we got back from our little yamcha session.

blahblahblah

the end (:

♥

♥ing.

of sweat, tears, and precious time.

2010-04-27T23:35:00.000+08:00

OUR LAST SPORTS DAY ):

well, first.

just to seem supportive..

B.L.U.E !!!

Joey & I sleptover at Jia's the night before Sports Day and got there bright and early (:

we rushed rushed rushed with marchpast. I was super nervous bout the wholoe thing, but in the end, it didn't really matter what position we got. I knew I'd still be proud of my team (: and anyways, our capt, looked super hawt in her cowboy outfit i must say, and everyone knows she worked so hard.

kudos x1ooo :)

our pretty pretty captain in her pretty pretty cowboy outfit (:

I was so pissed we came in ~~last~~ fourth.

we worked our asses off. no matter the position, I'm still so proud of you guys.

cheerleaders.

had loads of time to kill with the darling.

♥

and the darlings.

♥♥

anna too, but i forgot to take a pic :) ♥ to you too hun.

then Joey,Jia&I went back to Jia's, died on her bed, resurrected and took our showers, glamed up a tiny bit and went out for some girl time (: we makaned sushi, redboxed and camwhored to our hearts content. ♥

we were jumping on the couch like siao people. there were so many awkward moments where we were halfway screaming our lungs out and then some esiter would pop his head in. I wonder if they got that in every rooom, when you came in, everyone would stop and stare at you with blank expressions, then they flush with embarassment. xD

GROUP SHOT !!

*chik-chakk!*

♥ ing.

everything.

2010-04-14T20:36:00.004+08:00

you're a falling star, you're a getaway car,

you're the line in the sand, when i go too far

you're a swimming pool on an august day

and you're the perfect thing to say

and you play it coy but its kinda cute

when you smile at me you know exactly what you do

baby, dont pretend that you don't know it true

'cause you can see it when i look at you.

and in this crazy life, and through these crazy times

its you. its you. you make me sing

you're every line, you're every word

you're everything

you're a carousel, you're a wishing well

and you light me up, when you ring my bell.

you're a mystery, you're from outer space,

you're every minute of my everyday

and i can't believe, oh that you're my man,

and i get to kiss you baby, just because i can,

whatever comes our way, we will see it through

and you know that's what our love can do.

and in this crazy life, and through these crazy times

its you. its you. you make me sing

you're every line, you're every word

you're everything

So, la la la la la la la

so, la la la la la la la

♥

2010-04-09T23:39:00.002+08:00

i think you've already forgotten that today was mom's birthday, and that just a little while ago, you'd promised you'd be there for me today. and instead, i feel like i've been left three times over.

i love you too.

..

i know you didn't mean it. but, does it change anything?
does it make it any less wrong? or any less hurtful?

just for laughs.

2010-03-31T00:05:00.000+08:00

WARNING!

This post is full of useless information.

♥

The Malaysian government decided to solve their disease-carrying mosquito problem by spraying the infested areas with DDT. This worked, but the cockroaches then devoured the dead mosquitos. This was followed by the region's gecko lizards consuming the roaches. The geckos did not die from the residual poison (surprisingly), but their central nervous systems were greatly affected, causing the lizards to slow down. Moving up the food chain, the cats ate the slow-moving lizards and started to die off in large quantities. Of course, fewer cats means more rats, and the country's rat population soared. As a result, the World Health Organization was forced to step in and ban the DDT. In an effort to restore the ecological balance, they flew in planeloads of cats to kill the rats.

♥

Way back on August 13, 1903, police entered the Liverpool, England home of William and Emily Shortis. Worried friends had contacted the authorities because the couple had not been seen for several days prior. There they found William near death. Oddly, he was pinned under the dead body of his 224 pound wife. Did she die during a moment of passion? Not at all. The coroner concluded that William was following Emily up the stairs of their home when she lost her balance and tumbled down the steps, pulling him down with her. Emily immediately died from a blow to the head, trapping William under her body for over three days. Sadly, William did not survive his injuries, either.

♥

Before the invention of anesthesia, speed was a highly regarded trait in a surgeon. Dr. Robert Liston of London was among the fastest. But, speed comes with some cost. In one particular operation, Liston killed three people. The patient actually survived, but later died of gangrene. During the operation, Liston accidentally cut of the fingers of his surgical assistant, who soon died from an infection. Liston even managed to slash through the coattails of a colleague who was observing the operation - he was so sure that his vital organs had been punctured that he died of fright!

hahahhaa. damn retarded right?

and they're true!!! .. i think.

xoxo

♥

a time for love ♥

2010-03-29T21:20:00.001+08:00

well, this is extreemly late, but last.. last saturday,

the darlings came over for some long overdue bonding time.

♥

ma chicas.

I cooked. (:

yes, and they didn't die. I think it was pretty good actually.

minestrone. yums :)

so we ate to our hearts content, and watched some movies, and camwhored, and just had a good time together. :)

xoxo darlings :)

oh. and i will close with the cooliest picture ever.

(well the one on the left is a regular egg, and then..)

DOUBLE YOKED EGG!!!

I KNOW ):

2010-03-27T00:39:00.007+08:00

I KNOW I NEED TO UPDATE LAH !!

I was supposed to blog about darlings bonding time .. last sat but ... *procrastinate* *procrastinate* sorry la darls. but I really am too lazy to upload my cam pics. :P soon la k? (:

...

if he fills my mind 24/7,

and i miss him when i just saw him 5 mins ago..

if i sniff his jacket,

and look at his pictures and think, "shit, he looks so damn adorable"..

if i tear up every time he raises his voice,

and get retardedly mad every time he unintentionally offends me..

if i cry myself dry because i don't know what to do,

and all i really want to make him happy..

if my heart is overflowing with love,

and i feel like i wouldn't be able to function without him..

if i knew i loved him every bit of my heart..

does that mean i'm in love?

xoxo.

p.s. i have made a resolution to start writing in a diary again.

because i need to have an output and there are just some things that should be kept private.

but i'm gonna get a pretty one. :)

& i have no idea why i felt the urge to announce this to the world.

ahh! i'm late! i'm late! i'm late!!

2010-03-17T23:12:00.008+08:00

hahahah. quote and unquote the white rabbit (:

anyways! went out with the darlings (plus shobana!) on friday, finally!

the darls. (:

shobana and i stuffed our things into lockers. (yes!! thank God! sunway has lockers!!!)

makaned at fullhouse.

chickenchop there is sooo good, i swear. yum yum.

then we went off to popular, gathered a bunch of random books, found a quiet place, sat down, and CAMWHORED.

exhibit A

hahaha. imagine seeing a bunch of seventeen year old girls just sitting on the floor in popular taking pics and randomly singing nursery rhymes. xD

it reads, "THE BLOOD PRESSURE CURE"

look at my face. xD ing says "read this Mr Phuah!!"

note : joey's reading the book upside down :D

POKEMON!!

*pink ribbon*

i think it says, "10 best questions surviving Breast Cancer"

serious issue this. :P

HORMONES !! XD

hahaha. its a winx club book. LOL!

and then.. uhm. we took photoboothpics. (which can be found on jia's blog)

the darls got glasses. hahaha.

lala potential me. xD but cute kan?

shobana had to go home halfway through our camwhore session at popular. i think i have a pic of her covering her face with a book but i can't find it. :( but it was so nice to have her come out with us. :) :) :)

somewhere along the way, i bought shoes, two. i think it was after popular, 'cause i don't remember shobana being there when i bought my vincci's.

watched alice in wonderland. abit headache because of the 3Dness but it was quite nice.
i have pics from the cinema with the 3D glasses but its too dark to put up and i'm too to edit at the mo. :P then.. then.. what'd we do then? go buy chocs?

then joeyee went home and jia went home, and i went home.

end date. :P

one last picture to close.
(no shobana though. don't have a group shot with her ): )

that's right darlings, rock on.

loveslovesloves ♥

mathzilla.

2010-03-11T18:54:00.003+08:00

ALICE IN WONDERLAND TOMORROW!!!

hahha. so excited. we haven't gone on a let's-just-go-out-just-because outing since... how long? like, a year..? plus plus?? so yayyayyay. wish krys could come though ): i miss you darlin!!

mm. i realize that i haven't blogged in a while. and i've had quite abit to blog about. but lazy lah. nothing too important, so i'll leave it.

HELLO HOLIDAYS!! :D

..

i know we're so much prettier than you ever could've hoped to be, but there was no need to stare. one day karma's going to bite you in the ass, bitch. oh, and by the way, aunty, learn to wear your bra properly. its not supposed to arc up at the back. but then again, maybe your boobs are too saggy? xoxo.

2010-03-01T22:26:00.003+08:00

sometimes, i listen to Simple Plan's Save You,

which was the song i cried to when i first found out about Mom.

but when i do, i try not to listen to it too many times,

'cause i don't wanna ever see the day when i think about it, and not tear.

i don't wanna feel like i forgot something about her.

her favourite flowers, her favourite colour, her scent,

the blue ring she had around her pupil for as long as i can remember.

i don't wanna forget anything.

and i'm so scared that one day, i won't remember that little hint of tobacco,

or the exact colour of her eyes, or the way she used to laugh.

late valentines (:

2010-03-01T21:28:00.002+08:00

two darlings gave us our belated valentines recently. haven't gotten to blog about it until right now. so pretty lah (: simple and unique. not like mine. -.- rush rush rush and work my butt off. come out so crappy summore. &stupid me. didn't take pics of my own cards. hahaha.

so here are the pretty valentines from..

anna tan (:

& tan joe yee (:

haha! both TANs. thanks dears !!

loveslovesloves.♥

2010-02-25T17:33:00.002+08:00

uh. okay.

24 hours and a very rude (and lifeless) comment later, i re-read my previous post and realized that i make it sound like i'm still in love with him.
so just so we're all clear, i haven't been in love with him for like, 2 years plusplus.
sure, he meant alot to me, and yeah, he still means something, but only in the "first-guy-i-ever-fell-in-love-with" kinda way.

its like, i got most of it back a long time ago, but that one last piece that still kinda made him a little extra, took a long while longer.
okay, i know i'm not explaining very well, but, you get it.
its not like i've been pining for him all this time.
so don't make assumptions and misunderstand.

as for "charmaine." whoever you are.
uh. first of all, you're creeping me out, 'cause i don't know you.
secondly, nobody pointed a gun at you and forced you to read my blog, so if you think i'm so damn creepy then don't read la.
and third, don't waste your time posting comments you know are gonna get deleted anyway. too free arh?

peace peeps.

eventhough you'll never read this (:

2010-02-23T18:31:00.008+08:00

my my my.

how you've grown.

its so hard to believe how different you seem to be now.

i loved you for such a long time

and i'll never forget.

i'll never forget you.

& i'll never forget how i felt about you.

i'll never stop believing that the girl you give your heart to is lucky to have you.

i never got to be that girl.

but i'm lucky to have met you.

& i'm glad i loved you.

when i fell for you, i fell harder than i had ever fallen.

when i loved you, i gave away my whole heart.

and because you never wanted it, i had to take it back.

because you felt nothing for me at all, i took it back in pieces.

now i think i can finally say that,

i think i've reclaimed the very last piece from you. :)

thank you for showing me what love felt like.

♥

now, i just gotta reclaim the pieces from that other one.

canoodling.

2010-02-21T22:30:00.011+08:00

i'm a pessimist.
i think, "how long will that last?" every time you tell me you love me.
i'm a coward.
sometimes, i think about walking away, because i'm scared you will.
i'm a liar.
i've broken countless promises i've made to you.

i'm proud.

i tell you i'm perfectly fine, when i'm a total mess.

i'm distrustful.

i don't always believe what you tell me.

i'm insecure.
i'm never really sure about anything.
i'm confused.
i don't know what to think, or how to feel, or what to do.
i'm irrational.
i didn't talk to you a whole twelve hours because you didn't call. eventhough i know you have no obligation to.
i'm sensitive beyond reason.
i get hurt by the smallest comments or the slightest raise in your voice.
i'm hot-tempered.
i lash out at you for reasons too ridiculous to explain.
i'm selfish.
eventhough i can't make you happy, you make me happy and i don't want to share you.
i'm a bitch.
because a decent girl would've kept all this to herself, because she knows it would probably hurt you.

is it wrong to be all these things,
and still tell you that i love you ?

because i do.

i love you so incredibly much.

i wish it was enough.

thank you hallmark.

2010-02-15T19:23:00.010+08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR
/ VALENTINE'S DAY !!

well, my holidays have been pitifully wasted.

well, mostly.

i hate chinese new year. seriously, just HATE IT.

its so boring. seriously, the highlight of my chinese new year was wearing my maxi dress.

yeah. i'm so boring.

but my cousins are toddlers.

what am i supposed to do? hand them a pack of cards?

they'd like, throw it in my eye or something.

yeah. grumble grumble grumble. i'm such a bitter little girl. (:

but there were some nice outings with some friends & some goodfriends.

so its all good.

valentine's day.

hmm.or more likely, single awareness day. (:

which i spent with esther.

pigging out in pyramid. she thinks i'm such a fat pig now, i swear.
"hey ing, you hungry?"
...
"right. stupid question."
but i ate alot. like, alot. xD
it was like, one thing after another.
nyam nyam nyam.

speaking of valentine's,

guess who came over just so she could bake cuppies for the man and woman of her life?

(yeah. i mean her "man" and her mom.)

ahem.

i couldn't resist posting this one instead of the nicer one i have of her smiling.

the cuppies.

and i will credit myself in helping make them.

that girl, i swear.. tsk tsk (:
hope they loved it.

cause we forgot to taste it :D

hmm.
i actually got more valentines this year.
so what if they're mostly from girls. x) girls make pretty cards.
and one from the bro, of course.

from rachel gan & the twins (:

from amanda see (:

&from jia. (:

guess who. (:
thanks for my first redrose. (:

pretty kan?

thanks for the pretty valentines (:

now i will wait for joey's. :D

loveslovesloves.♥

taking chances.

2010-02-10T20:07:00.003+08:00

i am STRESSED.

probably deserve it. i only started thinking about what to get my friends for valentine's like, this morning? gahh. so now i'm like rush rush rush.

just waited in this stupid shop for like an hour and a half for my dad and finally decided to walk home. i wouldda walked home earlier, believe me, but dad forgot his phone so i had no way of telling him not to come cos i was walking back. geesus. and on top of that, i look positively horrendous. sweaty and grouchy and tired with my hair pulled away from my face in a tshirt and shorts. grief. i hope no one i knew saw me.

and now i need to go get something from jia's place but dad said, "tonight lah" -.- toots. how late am i gonna sleep tonight ? and hafta wake up early tomorrow. arghh. and i hafta go walk to taipan get spray paint. but i need to like sit awhile. like, so badly. procrastinate procrastinate.

help.

-.-''

i promised myself i wouldn't let anyone come so close again.
but for you, i think, i'll make an exception. :)

and the memories come flooding.

2010-02-04T00:43:00.003+08:00

You're the direction i follow to get home
When i feel like i can't go on, you tell me to go
And it's like i can't feel a thing without you around
And don't mind me if i get weak in the knees
'cause you have that effect on me, you do

Everything you say
Everytime we kiss, i can't think straight
But i'm okay
And i can't think of anybody else
Who i hate to miss as much as i hate missing you

Months going strong now, and no goodbye
Unconditional, unoriginal
Always by my side
Meant to be together
Meant for no one but each other
You love me, i love you harder so

Everything you say
Everytime we kiss, i can't think straight
But i'm okay
And i can't think of anybody else
Who i hate to miss as much as i hate missing you

So please, give me your hands
So please, give me a lesson on how to steal, steal the heart
As fast as you stole mine, as you stole mine

Oh and everything you say
Everytime we kiss, i can't think straight
But i'm okay
And i can't think of anybody else
Who i hate to miss as much as i hate missing you

So please, give me your hands
So please, just take my hand.

who does this remind you of?
whoever it is, hold on tight.

because one day, you won't have him anymore.

rumours.

2010-01-27T18:51:00.002+08:00

usually, i'm blissfully oblivious towards rumours that go around. especially, bout me. but lately, i've been hearing some stuff that apparently, is going around like a round of the flu.

some of it is pretty disturbing. but i couldn't care less. i mean, obviously, i'm hurt by what people's been saying bout me. but what am i supposed to do? i mean, if i say its true, its still gonna be talked about and if i say its not, its still gonna be talked about. so, i'm just gonna let the rumour take its course. i mean, like every other rumour, after a while, it gets boring, and people move on to some other piece of trash.

i think, i've somehow gone a long way in the past few months. because right now, i honestly don't care about what ya'll have to say. all i care about is the people i care about, and what they think, and what i think. all the others, well, you can say whatever you wanna say about me. just remember that what goes around comes around.

rumours are rumours. if you guys don't believe it, great. if you believe it, then, fine by me.

super late post : my favourite cousins.

2010-01-20T23:45:00.005+08:00

superly late. but a few weeks ago, i finally got to see nick again!! :D lynn too and of course i was super happy to see them both, but i saw lynn not too long ago, but nick. omg. i haven't seen him in like, 2 years. more than that actually. so yes. happy day. happy day :D

my uncle picked me up from church and i saw this dude in a blue shirt on the phone, and i walked right past. i was gonna open the door when he tapped my shoulder. was NICK!! haha. didn't know! he looks so diff. so.. thin.. now. i never got to tell nick he was skinny before. cos he was always a bit of a stuffedbear. now he still acts like a bear (eat then sleepy wan). but skinnier. xD

lynn was wearing the same pants i saw her in last time, and my baby cousin was there too! (her dad was the uncle who picked me up) we went to makan buffet at StarHill. yums. we makaned till we couldn't makan anymore. first time i saw nick so full he couldn't eat another bite. xD after makan we went back to my place and looked at baby pics of us. xD

such a good days lah. they're seriously my fave fave cousins. mostly cos i used to think of them as my siblings more than as my cousins. i actually lived with them for a while. so, i had a bro and sis for a little while (:

in the car xD nick ruined a perfectly good pic.

i was super comfortable sitting with them in the car, cos when we were younger, we were all superclose and we'd sit together in the backseat all the time. being together again brought back SO MANY MEMORIES. haha! our wrestling matches and indoor camps and sliding down the stairs on mattresses. xD good times :)

lynn. (:

gawd. i used to hate her so much. xD simply cos she was nick's sis xD retard weih.

but then, i got to know her more and i realised she and i could talk super easy.

so i started loving her extra too. ;D

nick. (:
he was the older bro i thought the world of when i was younger. i still do i think.
eventho we're just cousins, and he has plenty other cousins (so i'm not really all that special to him), in my heart, he's still that bigbro i looked up to like crazy as a kid. :)
so yalah.

the fam.

awesome day lah (:

i love you guys!

you make my world go round :)

2010-01-13T18:13:00.002+08:00

our world is full of hearts that hurt over loss. sometimes, we get so caught up in hurting over what we've lost, we forget to be thankful for what we still have. and lately i've been so caught up in hurting that i've forgotten to count my blessings.

my friends, are the best friends i never could've ask for. supporting me and encouraging, and making me laugh till i need to pee, you guys are the best :)

and not just JAM(Joey,Anna,Mel) but our little arts group too, and even a few people from church. i'm so extreemly blessed to have them in my life, and even more blessed to have them care about me the way they do.

and i know i've been whining alot over J and Ed and honestly, i feel a bit unbalanced without someone special in my life. i've always had someone, so i became really dependant on that. but my friends are right. i can live without a guy.

but i can't live without you guys (:

♥

adapting.

2010-01-07T17:02:00.002+08:00

i'm sick. yeah. boohoo. dam sad la k? first week of school and i've missed like two days already. geez.

anyway, i've been avoiding my phone the past few days. leaving it in my room so i won't be tempted to call or text anyone. so hard lah. -.-'' feels really weird, not having someone to focus on all the time. cos i've always had someone, since like.. beginning of form1? like, fy for the first two years, then keith, then ed, and a few people in between. and now its like, takda. ishk.

i know i know. i wish i was the kinda girl who can like stand up and say "who needs a guy anyway?" but i've never been that type of girl. xD sad to say. but yeah. a girl wants to feel wanted. who doesn't?

and of course i know my girlfriends will still be there for me. but jia's got jie and ann's.. yeah. and joey's got her guys too. and krys is in aus and.. and.. and.. well, yeah.

so now, i think i'm going to like, pack my weekends. dunno how i'm going to do that, but i will. if i stay at home and do nothing, i'm gonna feel like, super pathetic.

sigh. its just a lot of change in such a short period of time. and i'm struggling to catch up with everything. its like, i always have somoene to text and call and sometimes, i have a few others on the sidelines too, and now, all of a sudden, there isn't anyone. i understand that everyone needs 'alone time' but no one ever wants to be completely alone, you know?

gahh. its been a really bad week. but i'm getting there. and God knows, its gonna be okay (: somehow.

a day of change.

2010-01-04T17:13:00.003+08:00

so ironic. came online and realized i had 2010 unread emails. XD

hard to believe its already 2010. and.. we're in form5..? unfortunately, we (igcse students) aren't getting the satisfaction of writing the phrase '5 theta' anywhere cos they changed it to '11 theta' -.- apa la. felt a little secluded (well, extra-secluded) in class too. i dunno. i think i always feel a little extra-secluded on the first day. for some weird reason la.

anyways, today's been a weird day. not like, weird like something weird happened, its just that, well, its the first time i've been to school without ed coming to see me or texting me after school and stuff. its just a little, empty, i guess. because i'm so used to it. my first thought when i reached home was, "wonder if he's home yet" because it was always my first thought when i came home. whether or not it was a good time to call.

and yeah, i guess its unfair for me to say that after all that's happened. but, life's not always fair. it just feels really strange, not having someone to call or text or anything. and i know its the best way to go this year, but, mm, guess it just takes some getting used to.

..

is it wrong of me to stare when you're around?

new years. new years (redone.)

2010-01-01T08:23:00.002+08:00

Decided to edit this post a little, since it was typed in a rush and posted from my phone. so.. yeh (:

Well, for the first time i started the year (and decade) half drunk and in the arms of a guy i just met. Yeah. Interestin night.

I didnt plan on drinking so much. Blame the games. Was fun though. I liked being drunk. Being numb and blurry, made the hurt ease a little bit. And the guy (whatever and however he may be) helped me feel a little more worthy of someone's time and effort. Which I really needed at the time.

Mm. Last night i experienced highs and lows of being so superly single.

HIGH : i could go around and fling without worrying about an angry bf. And managed to have a nice lil drama. I've never kissed a stranger before. Until now :D although I must admit, it doesn't compare to kissing someone you know and love.

LOW : i woke up at 6am feeling like i could puke my guts out and i realised that for the first time in 2 years, i didn't have anyone to call.

but still, its a bad year for relationships anyway. And besides, I've lost al my faith in the male population.

and if anyone sees anything on facebook that looks wrong, we never went further than the short kisses and in my defence, the red face proves than i was intoxicated. okay?? DONT. THINK. ANY. FURTHER.

Well, anyway, i'll be out for the next few days. Vietnam :)

the worst thing you've ever done. ?

2009-12-31T16:24:00.002+08:00

i can't stop hurting. and i want to, more than anything.

i want to make you hurt too. i want you to hurt as much as i do. but that still wouldn't help me.

i could blow your cover. tell everyone. put you in a hard place. but that still wouldn't help me.

i want to hurt her. because then i;d hurt you. but i'm not that kinda girl and it still wouldn't help me.

how could you come back into my life and build my world high, then tear it all down?

how could you break my heart, break me, and then just leave like nothing's happened?

how could you, or anyone with a heart, pull the ground from under me like you did, and watch me fall?

does it even hurt you at all?

i'm looking at the girl you 'love' now. and i'm speechless.

everyone's right. i deserve better than you. i deserve more than sweet words and empty promises. you were just a lesson i had to learn. maybe that's all you were. sweet words, empty promises and a whole lot of testosterone.

i'm so grateful i never gave you my heart. unfortunately, i gave you enough for you to tear me apart from the inside. and now i have to live with the hurt. but i'll heal. and one day you'll be sorry you passed on a girl like me.

2009-12-31T03:57:00.003+08:00
Well, its 4am. Everything is deleted. (Yeah i guess that's always my first step) texts. voice call history. msn history. everything. down to my last picture of him in my camera.

Of course i'm super hurt. But kinda relieved too. I wanted form5 to be a no strings attached year, and now it is. Besides, the hours of stressing over why he wasn't picking up are over. I'm glad to be able to say that i won't be shedding tears over a guy for a while.

I'm gonna miss everything la. The holding hands and the huggin (which was especially nice obviously). But who needs a guy anyway? The stress of all that just results in pimples.

But there is the downside of my lack of plans for newyears now. Sigh. Guess i deserve it. Should have listened to my instincts. But what's a girl to do now? I don't think there's anyone to call at this hour.

Sigh. What to do? My girls are my guy now. :) and the best part is that they will never let me down.

Kinda makes me wonder though. When's the next time i'll have someone to hold me and touch me that way again? When's the next time i have someone to kiss and love? Geez. Feel so pathetic now.

of surprise parties, proms, christmas and birthday wishes.

2009-12-27T23:53:00.010+08:00

phew. been a suuuuper long week. so this is gonna be a super long post with loads of pics. :D

okay, well, sunday (20th dec)was the opening of ESTHER at ACTS and the turnout was super awesome. whole church superpack (haha. sushipack.superpack. geddit? LAME.) for both shows and everyone on the cast and crew were awesomely awesome. xD

Then, on (21st dec), we threw TANJOEYEE a surprise party at REDBOX with 11 of her (and our) closest friends.

gahahaha. boo~ ;D (note the sign that says...)

poor patrick. xD

surprising the VVVIP. (who wasn't that surprised -.-)

make a wish, and blowww... THE CANDLES.

opening our pretty pressies.

the yummies.. had bikinies on them :D

with the VVVIP ..

and the VIP(just cos I don't see her very often)

so we sang, laughed and had fun. Then we lepaked and helped me shop for a prom dress while some people watched a movie. xD

on Wednesday (23rd dec).. PROM !!

& of course, we have to get together to get ready. :D after all, we count on our girlfriends to make sure we look SMASHIN.

the pretty hair.

and the pretty dress. (minus the 5inch pretty shoes (: )

anna...

in the car, on the way to KL..

i love jie's expression in this shot XD

poser. xD

somewhere on the way to KL, Jia saw a dead cockroach, and screamed like the sky was falling and the world was coming to an end. seriously, if there was a world championship, she'd win first place xD

and after forever, we got there. too early.

the hawtties of table8.

i love my back in this shot. xD so glowy and bronzey.. :D

so yeah. we camwhored outside. and when we got in, we camwhored summore!!

i like this candid. alot.

table 8. :D

gahahaha. hamster, boo, jie, & hawttie.

my oldie oldie friend, all grown up.

cindy looked yummy. (:

it was supposed to be a slowdance, but it looks like i'm going to pummel her to the ground.

aheem!!! joey's slowdance ;D

and when the party was over, i took more pictures. xD

my heels actually made me as tall as him.

but that thing in front makes me look like i'm standing on a stool xD

Marcus looks like the cheatin husband, and Anna looks like the good wife.

sorry marc! you look much nicer in person though :D

marcus says : I don't love you anymore! I WANT A DIVORCE!!

anna says : NOO!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME????!! *sobsob*

xDDDD

We got home and Anna was the first to leave, followed by Mel. Joey sleptover though. (:

and then, well, christmas came. nothing much to blog bout la that one. (: so moving on..

BIRTHDAY WISHES !!

belated. but still. :D but I wished them all on time la!

HAPPY SWEET 16 TO

ALISTAIR SEAN PENAFORT !!

(23rd)

Our Omega days are long gone, but i still miss you lah!

you're one of the nicest people ever and i miss slappin your rock hard abbs. (:

happy bithday ali, and hope you had a superawesome one and hope you have an awesome year. cos you deserve it superly (:

HAPPY SWEET 17 TO

SHAUN SEE THIAM TATT !!!
(23rd)

nice to say I got to see you on your special day, and super awesome for me to say that you got hit in the balls 4 times on your special day, and i got to see it all.
so I know you had a great one. :D

have an awesome year la SeeSee.

and stay in touch. don't sombong. (:

& HAPPY LEGAL 18TH TO

KEITH SEE THOO KHAI YIT!!

(26th)

yes, I still remember your last name. Pic's super outdated to back when we were dating, but yeah! I don't have any newer ones. You look better here anyway. (:

I don't know what the toot you're whining about. This is the year you "become a man" xD

well K, we've been through crap and back. and I'm super happy you stayed my friend.

so have a super year and know i'm here for you whenever.

so now you're legal. Treat your Zarrah right arh! Or I come kick your skinny ass. :D

well, happy bday again to everyone.

loveslovesloves.

ing.

phew. that was long.

Jake, I don't know what I'm gonna do with you.

where to go?

2009-12-15T23:52:00.003+08:00

I've got an

written on the back of my hand.

10 things.

2009-12-14T19:19:00.005+08:00

I've been procrastinating to do. -.-

1. clean my room.

omg. its been forever since i've seen the tops of my tables xD

2. go out and shop for a prom dress.

YES. I haven't found one. -.-"

3. get the name of that camera

I've been dying for so I can ask my dad to get it for me (:

4. Decide on someone's birthday present.

5. do my math homework.

as much as i hate the teacher, she can still minus my marks ><

6. get my english lit material.

i want the book covers to be pretty so i'll be more motivated to read.

7. read my english lit material.

Pride and Prejudice & To Kill A Mockingbird. I could die. x.x

8. read the vacation reading.

its unbelievable how much crap they can fit into a little booklet.

9. get a tuition teacher.

God knows I need that.

10. pack up my couple stuff.

i really, really don't want to. but i probably should.

sigh. should really get around to it.

already gone.

2009-12-12T23:58:00.006+08:00

493

days of love

and my relationship with Ed has reached the end.

And I still love him superly much

and I still wanna be close to him.

right now, he's acting like nothing's changed, and its hard on me.

but deep inside, I don't want him to stop talking to me the way he has in the past year and (almost) a half.

and honestly, its a little weird.

cos its been an "us" for so long and now its a "me" and "him"

and i have tons of memories of him all over the place and its just, really painful.

and i need some comfort.

there are so many things about us, and about him,

that i'm going to miss.

like, the way he looks at me when he's hlding me.

and the way we sometimes sing to each other.

the way he says hi when i call.

all our little games.

the feeling of being kissed.

his scent when he's holding me close.

his apple smile.

and a million other memories.

one last shot.

______________

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you, now I can't stop
I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
so I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry
Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive

You know that I love you so,
I love you enough to let you go
I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go

And I want you to know
you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
so I'm already gone
I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

______________

ily.

everything's happening way too fast.

2009-12-12T01:31:00.004+08:00

camp's over D:

it was fun and everything. had to wake up at like 7 am xD was supergrouchy the first morning, cos i had the worst night's sleep cos i kept wakin up but manatau the 3rd night was worse == apa la. but it was superfun otherwise la. water war and everything. FURIOUS BUNNIES ! :D

and i'm glad I could meet so many awesome people, and make nice with an old one. (: and omigosh, like half the camp lost their voices xD semangatnya.

The (hungry) Furious Bunnies (:

ACTS Teens New Normal.

missing it. ><

anyways.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY ..

STEPHANIE NG !! :)

looks like its a pic from your bday right? xD

anyway, i know i'm not that close to you,

but i want you to have a great year anyways :)

and sorry i missed the party, but looks like i missed out huh?

happy sweet16 babe. :)

&JASMINE HAN !! :)

STOLEN. (:

mm, not close to you aso.

but you're my friend and i love you still. you can come talk to me anytime.

so have a hellava year hun!!

happy sweet16 (:

and Lynn came back from Aus for a while so I got to go to MV with her.

(but this was actually quite a while ago, I just never got around to blogging about it)

Was great to see her again and can't wait till next time.

Miss ya already hun.

now, I'm waiting for Nick. (:

to close the post, here's a funny parody of the hottest vamp. EdwardCullen (:

peace&loves
ing.

quickie.

2009-12-05T04:48:00.005+08:00

well, its 3am, sorry, 4 am, and I'm still wide wide awake.

So I decided to post my long overdue update. Hmm. so let's see. The last post was talentime, second last day of school.

NOV 19TH : KRYSTAL'S FAREWELL.
makaned at Pizza Hut and the lepaked at Starbucks. Mostly people from 4theta, 4sigma &5theta were there. We miss you hunneh.

NOV 20TH : HUIXIN'S SWEET16
was at BarOne, Damansara. Near/In OU. xD mm. got to dress up, which was super fun. Wore my leather dress out for the first time. Krys did our makeup. Danced and drank alittle. btw, vodka+coke = two thumbs up. Even for a nondrinker like me. Got home at 3..? Jia left early. JOey and Krys sleptover.

NOV 21ST : OUTING WITH KRYS, MEL & JOEYEE.
think kaijie was there..? abit blur there. abit blur everywhere actually.

I dunno what I did on the 22nd.. I think I stayed at home...???

NOV 22ND : 4THETA CLASS PARTY.
expected more people to be there but it was fun too. There was beer, but I didn't drink any. Food was yumms. Camwhored till dam high xD

I think the rest were mostly dates. oh yeah.

NOV 28TH ; CAMP BRIEFING & KAILOON'S PARTY.
was supposed to watch newmoon with joeyee and gang but clashed with camp briefing. picked up boo to loon's party and we got lost. Thank God BooKhay was there or I would've freaked out. xD was kinda nice. Saw some people drink till they got huge headaches.

NOV 29TH : NEWMOON WITH ANNA. (:
went to sunway at 2, and was late. But anna, who told me she's be there at 2, was later. xD she came just in time for the movie, that was at 3. Apparently, she bumped into BrendaOng in the topilet x) I kinda fell for Jacob XD he was so sweet la!! But I'm still TeamEdward, of course. Taylor's Jacob is sweeter than Stephanie's Jacob. But omg, so hawt. Anna & I wre hyperventilating in our seats, and she went crack abit xD (eg: omg! i want him to hold my hand! ing, HOLD MY HAND!! ) XD sorry dear, couldn't resist. :)

That's it. The rest of my plans were dates with ed (;

Camp on Sunday :D

mm. honestly, i'm really hurt. but i think i should wise up. It won't hurt any less than it has in the past, or than it does right now. But I still love you guys. And this is your only fault against me. This aside, we have a damn good time together.

with ♥ , and lots of it.
ing.

talentime :)

2009-11-18T17:31:00.003+08:00

..was today and Jia and I did Two is Better than One. :)

Joey, Jia and I were supposed to do One and the Same together but Joey couldn't come :( but it was fun. :) we didn't compete but we were interval, and we did pretty well as far as i know. i think my voice was a bit wavery-ish, and i didn't really like that, and i made, and repeated too many hand gestures. xD i was so nervous! mel was really great too, 'cept the part she forgot her lyrics, but we did fine in the end though, and we had lots of support from our friends :) & i love them so much for it.

sujin performed with qpenn too. bleedinglove. :) & shumei and chiaohui did a song together. They were both so great. Still think shumei and chiaohui should have won something because their performance was so damn entertaining. :) oh and kelvinling did yourcall & yourguardianangel with chunquan. They were really good too :)

I got a vid of sujin's, chiaohui&shumei's, and of course our performance, thanks to krystal :) but won't post them up, cos i think i might get killed :D

was so fun. nerve wrecking, but fun. good experience x)

hearts,
ing.

of lies and witch teachers.

2009-11-12T16:09:00.005+08:00

On the school website, the school says,

"we believe:
"
That when we choose to teach, we choose to serve;
That every child is entitled to the best we have to give regardless of his personality or his situation;
That our discipline should be firm, consistent and constructive;
That kindness, consideration and trust are not signs of weakness in a teacher;
That children are hurt by the same things that hurt us - sarcasm and ridicule;
That we should not exact a higher standard of conductand self control than we ourselves possess;
That we have limitless opportunities to touch lives for good
AND
That we should treat every child as if he or she were our very own." "

OBVIOUSLY, that is outdated because the school changed its beliefs when they hired a certain math teacher, who thinks that just because we're not A students who dote on her every word, she has all the right to say to the rest of the class that we're useless.

Honestly. Yeah okay. Maths is important in college and in life but its not like people who aren't good in it can't succeed. You think just because when you taught college students math they say its really important, you think that us weaker students don't stand a chance? Have you ever considered the number of different courses that are offered in college? And since you teach MATH, don't you think that MATH would be important in the courses that YOUR students are taking? Never thought of that, right? Since Math is so incredibly important in your head, I don't think you knew that THOMAS EDISON' s school teachers thought he was mentally challenged. If it wasn't for HIM, you'd still be doing your precious sums by candlelight.

"we believe that children are hurt by the same things that hurt us - sarcasm and ridicule." MY FOOT YOU DO. You think that just because you're a teacher you automatically gain respect? I respected you okay? but you don't give a freaking damn about respecting us so please tell me what it is about you that makes you so special that I should still respect you. So what if its one of our weakest subjects? You're good at it, and still your pay isn't all that high AND there are people who hate your guts.

You think that your stupid statement didn't hurt? If someone said that to you, how would you feel huh? Just because our brains aren't as mathematically analytical as yours, it doesn't mean we're inferior to you. But you thinking that does makes you a bad person. And that's what i think you are. One of those people who, as kids, weren't taught to respect. One of those people who just turned out sour.

what happened to teachers being the people who change lives? YOU'RE definitely not one of them. I'm talking about those teachers who sit down with the weak students and explain to them why and how they're doing it wrong, even if they're too shy to raise a hand. Instead of poeple like you who just pay attention to all the good students and then say to them, "Oh they all arh? All hopeless la."

What goes around comes around. One day, this will come back to bite your small, flabby ass and you'll regret it all. Its called KARMA if you haven't heard.

But till then, you can kiss my ass.

my sweet 16 (:

2009-11-10T17:45:00.002+08:00

i'm getting OLD. :P

hmm. well, celebrated for like .. 3 days xD but no pics la. don't like uploadin from my phone.

Went on a date with Ed on my actual birthday (i.e Friday, 6th Nov). Bumped into lotsa people. Includin JoeYee and Chu Wen in the cinema (haha. so ngam watch same movie.) and Jia and Jie while eating Irish potatoes. Some people I bumped into potong my stim abit, but got over it la, after a while. It was quite okay la. Geramed a few times. But had a good day, overall. Makaned Sushi Zanmai and got my present from Ed. Damn cute (: Had dinner with Dad, (who was sweet enough to get me a wallet as a surprise present in addition to the cam I asked for (: ) after. VictoriaStation. yums. (: sharkfin soup. Its sinful.. and not good for the sharks. but just so good. haha.

Next day, woke up at 8 something, 9, siap siap everything. Krys came earliest. Called Joeyee and she was still sleepin. xD when she (with ChuWen!) came we went to sunway and met up with everyone there. Mel, Alex, Irad, Loon, Hendro, Fong Yi, Anna, and Ed. I think that's it? Went to pizza hut to makan and got surprised with cuppiecakes (: thank loads dears. then went cinema watch NINJA. was.. nice la. After movie, waited around for Dad to come. Then lepak summore in my room till Dad change car. xD

The rest is all on JoeYee and Mel's page and I'll just continue what they missed out.

After checkin out of the hotel and having lunch at the Regency (which had a supernice beach), we went to some Eagle Ranch Resort and went go karting and horseriding. On the 2nd round of gokarting, my hand kena burn. -.- damn smart right? xD i like speeding in the gokart. damn fun. but the 2nd tack narrow abit so .. was a bad idea. all in all, I think i crashed like 3 times? xDD 3rd time oni got hurt tho. ><>

then everyone was sent home (: quite fun ! xD

finals are comin up.

2009-10-19T22:48:00.002+08:00

migawd.

i feel like such a lifeless bitch.

honestly. you would've thought with the finals coming up i'd be a little more motivated to study, but the past three days i've been resting my fat ass on my couch watching tv and constantly snacking.

damn.

sexay.

2009-10-15T19:16:00.004+08:00

when you guys listen to thunder by boys like girls, do you not agree that Martin's voice when he sang the first verse was just so unbelievably sexy?

cos i do.

its. so. damn. sexy.

makes me wanna look at melting chocolate.

you can almost see me swooning.

he's actually the first guy I've ever called sexy. but omg,

isn't he SOOO VERY???? :DD

oh. omg. if you haven't watched the hero/heroine music video (THE SECOND VERSION!), you should go watch it right now. cos its so romantic and super sweet. serious.

mm.

his pleasing looks..

his awesome voice..

his romantic side..

just makes him so..

sexay. :)

boo's too :)

2009-10-15T17:37:00.003+08:00

HAPPY SWEET 17TH BOO! :)

haha :) this pic's so old.

14th Oct 09 :)

2009-10-15T17:23:00.003+08:00

HAPPY 16th BUMM. :)

you're the best.

iloveyou. (:

i'm screwd.

2009-10-11T22:23:00.002+08:00

I realize that I have no idea where to go after graduation. And that scares me a bloody lot.

Although I have plenty to blog about, I'm just not feeling up to it becasue I'm seriously hung up about my future. There seems like so many problems that I can't solve and yet, I don't think I can like, not think about it.

There is the whole what to do and where to go and what to study thing. I can't study music, because, as much as I love it, I have no knowledge or skill in it at all. Getting into a music course requires knowing music theory, and I don't know zilch about any of that. I'm considering drama but I don't know the requirements, and I don't know whether or not I'm cut out for it. It does look pretty interesting though because it involves a little about production and directing and screeplay too, but then, I don't really know where that would take me.

As much as I'd like my dreams to come true, I admit that they are pretty far fetched. And of course, I'll pursue them, but it doesn't necessarily mean I'm going to get there. And if I don't, I need to find another, steadier, occupation that I would possibly enjoy. (I'm still realistic.) There are other options, of course. Like photography, sound engineering, journalism, makeup, digital design, fashion design, business. stuff like that. But I still don't really know where to go.

Worst of it is that I don't really know who to turn to for advice. Dad doesn't even support my dreams, so I'm not gonna ask him. He wants me to take over his buisiness and medicine, I don't even like. And as much as I love my friends and the people close to me, I'm still at a loss 'cause I don't think they fully understand where I stand.

And even if I decided on a course, I still don't know where to go.

Damn.

And another problem that I'm facing is my relationship with Ed. Because the thing is, I love him. Like, really really love him. And I don't think I'd be able to stand to not be with him because I'm going overseas (which I am because I don't wanna stay here).

You see where I'm going with this? GAWD.

siriano-hiatus.

2009-09-26T21:15:00.003+08:00

That's what I'll be on for the next few weeks. Because I just can't get over Christian Siriano kissing and holding and screwing and whatever-ing Brad Walsh, I simply refuse to think/see/hear ANYTHING that has anything to do with him.

So, if I do, just hit me. Slap me, whatever. I absolutely REFUSE okay? But not so hard la :) but seriously, just don't let me go there, or I will obsess for the next three days.

I mean sure, if I met Brad, I could possibly think he's an awesome guy and all, but right now, I am just, devastated. Okay? Seriously, I wanna like, just cry or something.

I was fine until I saw Brad's picture. == gawd. Shit la. I know, I'm being totally retarded and all, but, ARGHHH.

Yes, I do think that the fact that he stands up for Christian is extreemly sweet ( I mean, not all boyfriends would do that ) as well as what he said in an interview that they both inspire each other tremendously and they go everywhere together, but I'm just not over it. I'm so hung up on it, you don't even know.

I dunno la. Maybe I'm just PMS-ing. I'm gettng so hung up on everything nowadays. Eff la. ==

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to blast emo music into my ears.

❤ in this labyrinthine life

the last one.

Day Ten.

Day Nine.

Day Eight

Day Seven

Day Six.

Day Five.

Day Four.

Day Three.

Day Two.

Day One.

forevermore.

my mind cannot grasp the fact that high school is over forever. just saying it feels so weird.

I don't feel sad, because I feel like we'll go back to school next year, and see the faces of all the friends we've made, and lost, and taken for granted.

I hate goodbyes, so I hope this isn't one.

what a bittersweet beginning. ♥

sweeeeeet 17.

sacred.

for longer than forever.

a little faith.

schooooolll :/

old loves.

my first ever :)

painting flowers

fmylife.

hold on, and don't let go.

besffriendsforeverforlife.

closure.

for lai jia ean.

goodbye, my hopeless dream

double parking.

heartbreak warfare

headin for a heart heart heartbreak

cause its loveloveloveloveLOVE.

not in this lifetime.

my name's Sexy :)

but I'm not the only one.

forever and a day.

hols = freedom = boredom.

tell me why.

when words meet ♥beats.

let me just say this.

listen up girlfriends everywhere.

don't make me.

i want it to be over.

is it love?

play on.

sorry sorry sorry !!

just shut up.

mwahs and blahs.

of sweat, tears, and precious time.

everything.

just for laughs.

a time for love ♥

I KNOW ):

ahh! i'm late! i'm late! i'm late!!

mathzilla.

late valentines (:

eventhough you'll never read this (:

canoodling.

thank you hallmark.

taking chances.

and the memories come flooding.

rumours.

super late post : my favourite cousins.

you make my world go round :)

adapting.

a day of change.

new years. new years (redone.)

the worst thing you've ever done. ?

of surprise parties, proms, christmas and birthday wishes.

where to go?

10 things.

already gone.

everything's happening way too fast.

quickie.

talentime :)

of lies and witch teachers.

my sweet 16 (:

my mind cannot grasp the fact that high school is over forever.
just saying it feels so weird.